One Million B.C.

Banished from his warlike, meat-eating, Rock tribe, a caveman discovers the peaceful, vegetable-eating, Shell tribe, and a woman.

That’s a hell of a synopsis, isn’t it?

There’s a reason you don’t see many cavemen movies: cavemen don’t speak. Sure, they grunt and point, but for all intents and purposes, One Million B.C. is a silent picture. This really isn’t a problem though, as dialog couldn’t possibly help. For the first twenty minutes or so, my finger hovered over the fast-forward button, but once I got used to the acting and Hollywood production (Carole Landis’s cavewoman wears make-up), I couldn’t quite bring myself to turn off the movie.

With the right attitude, One Million B.C. is quite enjoyable. The special effects veer between silly and inspired, but they’re always entertaining. Combined with the preposterous acting and quick 80-minute running time, they help make this a classic so-bad-it’s-good movie. By the time the finale rolled around featuring the cave people facing off against a giant iguana, I was laughing out loud.