Twilight

After moving to a small town in the Pacific Northwest, a girl finds herself irresistibly attracted to a mysterious boy who turns out to be a vampire.

Twilight is a teen drama. It makes no attempt to ground its fantasy in any kind of believable world, instead choosing a manufactured reality akin to a teen soap opera. This is evident early on in the dialog, and amplified by the cast (everyone’s well put together, no-ones overweight or gangly or acne scarred—in short, nothing like a real high school) and driven home by the fact that male lead Robert Pattinson wears more makeup than his female counterpart Kristen Stewart.

The story serves as a cheesy, and not at all subtle, metaphor for teen sex, at least through the eyes of young girls. There are also lots of dangling plot threads, likely intended as fodder for the inevitable sequels, but the whole mess feels so artificial that you’re not in any hurry to return to its world.

Granted, there are moments when it works. A few, shining moments when it evokes some genuine emotion, such as Stewart’s scene in a hospital bed toward the film’s finale, but for each of these there are several cringe worthy scenes such as the hissing vampires sizing one another up ala the Jets and Sharks in West Side Story.

Still, the target audience of tween girls will likely eat this up.